


breathe me back to life

by rorz94



Series: Fighting demons [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:20:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorz94/pseuds/rorz94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn struggles to keep his sanity</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's a short introduction-chapter...  
> Read the first part to know what happened

_“Tell me pet, who do you belong to, huh? Who owns you?”_

_Zayn felt the man breath by his ear, it made him shiver, he did not like it in fact he hated it. He wanted to tell the master that he belonged to no one, no one had the right to own him, and he was a free individual not a slave. However, he knew that if he did not say what the man wanted to hear, this will never stop, the pain will keep on coming, he will suffer even more, he just wanted to get some rest. “I’m yours master, only yours.” he pleaded._

_“Tell me pet; tell me how much you love my touch, beg for it?”_

_“Master please, touch me please, I’ll do anything!” Zayn said, tears pouring down his cheeks, he was begging to be raped, how twisted was that, but he was doing it to avoid being tortured, he did not like that pain! Someone please save him, wake him up from this never ending nightmare. He felt the touch, on his dick, it was not hard enough, and the man was mad._

 

“NOOOOO!” Zayn screamed, shooting up in the bed, he started to fight the arms trying to encircle his middle. He was thrashing, crying, begging for him to stop.

“Zee, baby, please… stop it’s me, Liam… it was a nightmare babe, you’re safe!” Safe… he craved to feel this word, he wanted to feel safe… all the time, but will he ever? he heard Liam’s voice in his ear. He blinked a few times so his eyes could get use to the dark.

It was Liam; he was in Liam’s room, in his studio. Liam hand brushed his cheeks, wiping away his tears and only then he noticed the dampness, he was really crying. He felt embarrassed. Liam brought a glass of water from the nightstand next to him and brought it to his chewed dry lips.

“Drink baby, yeah! You’ll feel better after a while, I’m right here I promise.” Liam sultry voice soothed his overstretched nerves. So he drank as Liam requested. This was a nightly routine at the moment. Every night when they go to bed, Liam will get ready with a glass of water and tissues, for when Zayn will wake up shaking from his nightly nightmares. It was always the same; Liam figured he’s dreaming of the two weeks he passed in the tunnels underground with the Master, who was none other than a corrupted mad detective Nick. He was always begging someone to stop; it did not need a genius to put one and one together.

Zayn rested his head on his shoulder, sighing in relief, and Liam rocked him back to sleep. It was not easy; the first month after Zayn was rescued from the monster. Zayn had to go through testifying and giving the police his statement, but everyone knew the victims never said it all. They all hid something, or most of the things that happened to them back there. Zayn had to take therapy sessions, but these went awful, he refused to talk, and Liam discovered later that after a while he was throwing his pills away. He said he did not need some drugs to make him feel better about it, he needed time to try and fix himself, and he’ll do it alone not with the help of some drugs thank you very much. He still went once a week to the sessions, but well, they all knew it was futile. He still had to talk about it, yet he was avoiding it at all costs.

The first month, he spent with his family. Liam reckoned it’s the best way to cope. To be with people who genuinely love him, and would sacrifice anything for him. Even Louis took a week off to stay and relax with his friend. Liam, who still had final exams to pass at college, had to be stuck in his studio, working his ass off on project submissions and theories of design. Zayn would have to repeat his courses, some through the summer and the others during the next fall semester. The college administration was so understanding of the situation, specially that Michael (who was a captive of the master as well) was another student of theirs.

Louis talked to Liam, telling him any news. Louis tried his best to figure his friend out, to try and make him feel better, but Zayn knew him well, he avoided talking about the elephant in the room, and everyone was afraid to open the subject. Louis tried once and it did not end up well, Zayn almost shut off completely on him, and he did not want to risk that.

As soon as Liam had finished his exams, he went to visit his boyfriend. He was informing him about the courses that he’ll have to take on summer, and how he still had his scholarship. Zayn was reluctant to go back, he did not want to.

“How would I face everyone back there?”

Liam told him to tell everyone to fuck off and concentrate on what he loves doing, which was art, drawing. However Zayn confessed that day that he couldn’t sketch anymore, everything he tried to draw since he was back was utter rubbish.

Liam refused to believe that, he knew that it was all in Zayn’s mind, so he urged Zayn to practice, to start from scratch, to try again and again. He ordered him to never give up on his passion.

“Don’t let him win Zayn!”

So when Zayn was too stubborn to register in his courses, Liam did it for him. He knew that Zayn was not thinking straight at that moment, he knew that he needed someone to guide him, to push him just a little bit, to fill him back with some courage.

This way, the summer started and Liam refused that Zayn went to live back alone in his dorm room, and Zayn gratefully agreed to move with Liam, because he couldn’t be alone, he knew he’ll never have one good night of sleep in bed alone, never again. He needed Liam’s arms around him, to make him feel secure. That is how they ended up like this. Zayn shuddering in Liam’s arms while Liam was trying to lull him back to sleep.

The following day was a big day for Zayn. It was the first day of the summer semester.

“But Liam, I don’t wanna go! You won’t be there!” Zayn whined again, although he was fixing his hair to perfection.

“Zayn, you know I have internship, work isn’t exactly something fun to do, I’d rather be with you but yeah, don’t go if you don’t want to, it’s all up to you!” Liam replied from the small bathroom in the corner.

Zayn knew what Liam was implying.

_“Do you want to let him win Zayn?”_

Breaking Zayn apart, was the Master only objective; he wanted them to love him and to confess that they are nothing without his _‘guidance’_ and _‘love’_ \- That because they wanted to be loved by a man, preferably him, they must be a failure; they must depend on him and be punished if they disobey him because he was doing them a favor saving them of the world outside. He loved them and wanted to help them, and that is why they needed to be broken; which was so fucked up in Zayn’s perspective.

“No, I’ll go alright!” he said determined to get it over with, first days are always the hardest after all.

“That’s what I’d like to hear.” Liam told him, a radiant grin on his face. He hugged his skinny boyfriend tightly, showing him with his embrace that he was so proud of him.

“You know I really love cuddles Li but you’re kinda crushing me!”

“Oh, sorry love.”

Zayn smiled shyly at his perfect boyfriend. He felt really guilty about making Liam get stuck with him and his situation. He knew he wasn’t being boyfriend material. He was being a whining baby, and a super anxious and scared one at that. However, Liam as expected was very patient and understanding about it all. So when Liam bent slightly down to catch his lips in a sweet slow kiss, he responded hesitantly, but he kept his eyes open, only to see that this was real, the he was kissing Liam, his caring boyfriend; he knew once he closed his eyes, the demons in his mind will be there to ruin it all.

“So, you ready to face the day?” Liam asked with his cheerful encouraging tone.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He was as ready as he’ll ever be to be facing a new day, but this time he’s facing the world…his world.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gossip!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I didnt update anything in ages but I don't feel inspired at all :l

_“I heard he slept with Professor Sykes to get better grades.”_

_“I think he got what he deserved acting like a bitch, sleeping around with professors.”_

_“Did you see the naked pictures Sykes took of him?”_

_“I think he likes the attention.”_

Whispers were thrown his way, everywhere he went…some were encouraging… but most those all were offending. He turned into deaf mode, no one will understand, not unless they were in his shoes. He tried to channel his anger into something else…he prayed it works. By the time of his last class, he felt all alone…he was alone.

Two macho guys were following him in the hallway, calling him names. He did not want any trouble, he had that enough to last a lifetime, but the bullies seemed to think otherwise. He was hurrying up, looking behind him, he unexpectedly bumped into someone.

“Hey watch out.” A deep voice said, and two hands adjusted him from the shoulders.

_Two darkly gloved hands adjusted him into positions; bending him over the bed…_

“No, please leave me alone.” He cried closing his eyes; he did not want to look him in the face.

“Hey, hey Zayn…calm down.”

Zayn knew that voice, he heard him somewhere. He opened one eye to take a peek. It was Harry Styles. But what was Harry doing in here? As long as Zayn knew, the guy finished his college studies.

“Harry? What are you doing here?”

“Yeah, about that…I’m teaching a class, introduction to music, it’s like music 101…for dummies who’re looking for extra credit…you should’ve seen them…some of them don’t even know what a treble clef is.” He carried on saying. “Are you okay?” he asked noticing Zayn slight tremors.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Zayn replied with a quivering sigh.

Harry furrowed his brow; he did not believe him in the slightest, he noticed the two guys that were still around waiting to get Zayn alone again.

“Hey, you…don’t you have classes to attend to? He shooed them from the hallway with a glare until they left their prey disappointed.

“Are you sure you’re okay Zayn? You know you can talk to me about anything right?” Harry said lowering his voice.

Zayn bit down on his lower lip, he knew Harry faced what he did…well not the same exactly but he knew Harry faced death…

“I’m okay…I just need time to… you know get back on my feet.” He said with a small smile.

“You know people will forget about it in no time…there’s always something new distracting the public…so I’m afraid you’ll be old news by the end of the week.” Harry said with a cheerful smile. “Actually…I think I’ll be the news when the word starts on spreading that I’m teaching here. We’re gonna start the tour soon though…after the semester is over…gonna tour around the country.”

“Wow…that’s nice.” Zayn said with a dreamy look on his face… it would be nice to just walk away from all of this…see new people and new places every day. “Well, I have to get back now...or Liam will start freaking out and calling me nonstop…” Zayn said with a sigh.

“Then you better do that…say hi to Liam for me.”

Zayn intended to walk out of the faculty but he bumped into someone and nearly fell over again. He cursed his luck and his short attention span, and looked at the person that was helping to steady him.

“Hey there, watch where you’re going!”

“Michael…you’re Michael lacrosse…”Zayn said in a breathless whisper.

Michael seemed really different now in the outside world, he looked better, much sturdier, smarter, and healthier.

“Oh, Zayn…Zayn Malik!” he exclaimed with a smile stretching his lips. “What a nice surprise to bump into you like that…you look great by the way!”

Zayn smiled back, turning slightly red, he did not look that good!

“Thanks, but you err…look fantastic…I mean I barely recognized you…” he replied cheerfully. He envied Michael; somehow he seemed fine, better, he looked like he never met the Master in his life.

“Listen, wanna like take a walk or something I just finished my classes and you know we could catch up…I haven’t seen anyone since we were taken to the hospital!” Michael suggested with hopeful shining gray eyes.

Zayn nodded, it would be better if they did not talk about what happened, but at least Michael was there, and Zayn would not need to explain how things were back in the tunnels. He already knew… he already experienced the same horrors.

They ended up on top of the roof of Michael’s building. Sharing a blunt, a thing Zayn hadn’t done in a while now, but he just forgot how great it was, he missed it. He exhaled a long puff of smoke that clouded his vision for a minute, and gave the roll to Michael who accepted it and took a long shot himself.

“You know nobody will understand, they say they do, but they’re lying!” Michael said after a moment.

Zayn nodded, that was the only thing he’d done since they got here.

“Hey, wanna shot gun?” Michael suggested enthusiastically, like the idea he just had lit his day.

Zayn breathed out a yeah, with a shrug. Michael took a long inhale and kept the smoke in, he got really close, and Zayn did the same shortening the distance between them, opening his mouth to receive what Michael would give him, a second later they were kissing… just like that, with a thin veil of smoke surrounding them. Zayn was definitely high because the next thing that came to his mind was Liam, he had a boyfriend, what was he doing! He broke off the kiss abruptly, making Michael whine at the loss.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have done that… I…” his phone began to ring and it was Liam. He cursed under his breath and answered.

“Hey… you!” Zayn said, his nervous voice betraying him.

“Zayn…thank God, where are you? Do you know what time is it! I’ve been calling you and you weren’t answering and …I was worried sick about you!” Liam said in a rush but a visible sigh of relief was visible in his voice.

“I’m fine Li, I was just with a friend, catching up okay, I’m coming now, don’t worry!” Zayn said pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Okay…” Liam answered lowering the pitch of his voice a little, “I’m waiting for you babe, got your favorite Chinese.”

“I’ll be there in thirty.” He hung up feeling worse than ever.

“So that was…” Michael asked, trying to sound casual.

“That was my boyfriend, I have one, and I just forgot…oh my God, I’m a horrible person.”

“Hey it’s no big a deal, okay…you’re high and I took advantage of that, I’m sorry!”

Zayn shook his head at that, how could he forget about Liam.

“It’s my bad too okay, I went with it and I shouldn’t have!” he sighed deeply and stood to pick up his bag, “I gotta go, so see you around, and why don’t we just forget about this yeah!” he said tucking his lower lip between his teeth, he sounded like a jerk.

Michael nodded knowingly: “It’s okay, already forgotten.” He said with a small smile.

He tried to smile as a good bye but all what he managed to do was a grimace before he left the building. What was he thinking! He wasn’t thinking…that’s the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave some comments I wanna know ur opinion about this chapter :/


	3. chapter3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn is lost and maybe will discover a path to mend things with Liam!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time... but I had this idea and I wanted to write in this...   
> If someone is following secrets my other story... there will be an update soon!  
> I don't know anything about bdsm- other than what I've read... so please if anyone has anything to add please correct me... I hope this was an okay come back.  
> Sorry for any mistakes...

Zayn went home to Liam; they ate their dinner and watched TV. If Liam sensed his unusual distant self, he did not comment. When they went to sleep, Zayn’s eyes were still wide awake. His brains were on the verge of melting down; he just did not know what was wrong with him. He was losing his mind; he just wanted to feel normal again. He wanted things with Liam to return to normal. He wanted to enjoy life again, to enjoy being in love and being touched by the one he loves. However his mind and his heart obviously were not on the same wave length. He wanted to be happy again and he did not know how to unveil the path to happiness.

So Zayn did the only thing he knows.

He smoked weed.

He was high, most of the time.

He focused on retrieving his ability to paint. He was afraid of even holding a brush, but then God sent him a professor to help him with that, and Cassandra was one crazy art professor. She broke this wall of fear he had inside him to paint. He only was afraid of the product that he will create once he got a brush in his hand. It was dark as he expected but as Cassandra said it was a process of healing his soul, and he believed it. She always preached in her classes that art was not only about beauty, it was also about the truth, and the truth is beautiful whether it was light or dark. His truth at the moment was his experience with evil and how he would defeat it.

He went to nightclubs; to drink the time away when Liam was too busy doing overnights.

He was not blaming Liam he knew even if Liam gave him all the attention there was in the world, he would not return it. Not in the way Liam expects. It had been what now! Four months and he still was not ready to give his boyfriend his love, and that really tore him from the inside. He knew Liam was patient, but a man only can wait for so long.

He saw Michael again. He invited him to try a new club and Zayn agreed. Zayn had no idea what kind of club that was and he was shocked to say the least.

He met Michael at the bar, whispering between clinched teeth while Michael handed him a colorful drink.

“Michael what the hell!”

The guy only chuckled and shrugged still no explanation. Zayn gulped and downed his drink in one gulp.

“Wow, easy with that stuff body, I know you’re kind of featherweight so easy.”

“Just tell me what are we doing here exactly? I mean look around there are people on leaches for Picasso’s sake!” Zayn hissed back, trying to look casual as he offended the people in the club.

“Uh…” Michael started approaching him carefully, as if he was a frightened animal, “okay I know this,” Michael waved around his hands, “looks really strange to you know, but trust me walking inside that club was the best thing that happened to me after escaping the lunatic that called himself master.” Michael put his hand on Zayn’s shoulder and looked serious, “trust me if one of these people did not want to be on leaches they will just go and nobody will do anything to stop them doing what they want. There are rules here and trust me doms here are hard rock from the outside and mushy marshmallows from the inside.” He said as though talking from experience.

“Doms?!” Zayn said his voice going an octave higher.

“You know, dominant… like my Dom he is super cool and cute…” Michael talked fast his eyes shining from excitement. Zayn was still a little unsure of what to think, but seeing a shine return to Michael eyes was a good think in Zayn’s book.

“Who’s exactly cute little Mike?” A giant of a man wrapped his strong arms around Michael midsection, making him tense for a moment but then he relaxed back into the chest of the man. Michael cupped the man’s neck and stroke it gently.

“You…” he said with heart eyes that made Zayn want to laugh.

“I wouldn’t call myself cute in public honey, will have to discuss that in private.” The man whispered into Mike’s ear but Zayn heard anyway. Michael giggled and introduced them.

“Zayn is not the public, he’s the friend I’ve been telling you about and Zayn this is Freddy,” Fred frowned when Michael introduced him as Freddy but he did not comment yet Zayn noticed, “And he is a super fan of yours.”

Zayn’s eyebrows shot up in two arches. He did not know he had fans.

“Well I have participated in some galleries but I never thought someone followed my art!” Zayn said awkwardly.

At that Michael laughed unstop, only when Fred nudged him to stop saying his making Zayn uncomfortable he stopped.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend Freddy’s taste in art but he’s shit.” Michael said turning into Fred’s arms giving him a peck on the lips as a comfort for his offence.

“I meant the photo-shoot you participated in recently!” Michael said, mischief in his eyes, and with one sarcastic brow arched up.

Zayn blanched and then turned into red tomato. Of course, the photos were out and those who liked this kind of art would have seen them by now.

“Glad to meet you Zayn, I’ve got to say you’re so photogenic, and the new photos are way better than the old ones. Sykes is not as talented as Devin. I appreciate his art and his character, and I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.”

Zayn knew, yes Devin was so much easier to work with. He made him feel comfortable. Zayn was never ashamed that he did a bondage art with Sykes, he was ashamed that people assumed that an affair was happening between them and because he did it for money. Zayn discovered in the first photo-shoot that being tied down in a sophisticated way enticed him. However Sykes gave him the creeps, every touch felt wrong. Devin on the other hand was something else. The first time Zayn met him was in a small coffee shop. He called Zayn asking if he was interested in participating in a bondage art photo-shoot. Zayn was hesitant. However he wanted to experience the feeling again, the feeling of being tied in a position that tingled his sense and being photographed like an objet d’art.

Devin was cool people. He liked to joke, he was intense and passionate. He asked him to talk about why he wanted to do this and it was the first time Zayn admitted to like this type of bondage. Devin did not mock him; he made him feel like it was okay to like this kink. He made him comfortable, always asking about his state of mind. He knew how to treat his “objet d’art”.

Zayn was not ashamed that he was hard during the whole session. He wasn’t embarrassed or scared. He embraced the whole experience. He felt a different kind of high and it was really weird for him because for the first time since he was rescued his mind was at peace. A strange state of mind that Devin labeled it “subspace”. Devin made sure Zayn was in the right state of mind before he let him leave on his own. He made him rest and told him he was really great. It made Zayn happy and he even made him hot chocolate before he let him go.

Zayn saw Fred smiling; he knew what he was talking about. Zayn smiled sheepishly. So this guy Michael’s new boyfriend already saw him naked, great!

Fred and Michael led him to a VIP section because it was more private to talk.

“Since the day I met Michael I knew I wanted to be his dom. I wanted to show him that whatever this perturbed person did to you have nothing to do with our lifestyle.”

“True,” Michael said approvingly, “I mean I tested Freddy so much and I’m still testing him, he did not hurt me.”

“And I will never do anything to hurt you babe.” Freddy said as he kissed Michael thoroughly leaving him breathless.

“Freddy knows what he’s doing; he is one of the owners of the club.”

Zayn laughed as he saw how Fred was uncomfortable about revealing that, and he just kissed Michael again, without admonishing him.

“I want to just say, that our style of life is built on mutual trust, love and respect. The only thing is that one partner gives his other half all the power and trusts him enough with his body and emotions. It is not easy, it needs experience and it does not work for everyone, but it helps other people.”

“It worked with me.” Michael said.

“I’m not you Mike, I don’t know why you brought me here, but I’m too much of a stubborn to be a submissive boy, and sorry I don’t mean any offense to you.”

Michael rolled his eyes.

“None taken you goof, I know… but tell me how’s your sex life with your boyfriend?” Michael asked bluntly.

“Mike, one does not simply ask about one’s sex life! Not like that anyway.” Fred scolded.

“Oh, come on look at him. It is so obvious he is not getting some.” Michael retorted.

“Okay, so I’m not ready yet.” Zayn defended uncomfortably.

“Yeah, you don’t let your boyfriend see you naked and touch you there, but you let some photographer do it?”

Zayn sat up, feeling enraged, searching for words to defend his actions, while Fred was reprimanding Michael for his rudeness.

“Zayn sit down will you.” Fred said strictly after whispering something to Michael that made him whimper.

Zayn sat down.

“I don’t know if you will find any kind of peace in this style of life. But tell me did you enjoy the photo-shoot with Devin?”

Zayn cleared his throat before nodding.

“Yes, it was intense!” Zayn admitted taking another shot of another colorful drink.

“Would you be interested in seeing us together? To show you how it works and that it is all consensual or it does not work. Michael was so excited to try exhibitionism. I am willing to try the idea with you as our audience. At least it will be useful.”

Michael was nodding excitedly but stopped when Fred gazed in his direction.

“I don’t know…” Zayn said slowly, “I don’t want to see you… I mean doing…”

“Don’t worry, it will be a basic scene where I just show you how Michael let go and let me take over and how he will come like the good boy he is, when I tell him to.”

Michael whimpered at that, attaching himself to Fred, nuzzling his neck.

“Come on, there are private rooms in the back; this little kitten is getting horny.” Fred said lifting Michael with him, looking back at Zayn who stood up but was too stunned to follow, until he knew Fred was waiting for him and he did. He was not sure of what he was doing but he was too curious to say no.

He hoped that whatever he saw in that room would help him out with the mystery of his nonexistent sex life. For the last month, he would dream of Liam tying him to bed and fucking the breath out of him and he would actually sometimes come in his sleep. However in real life he was not ready for Liam to see him naked again. He does not know why, he just feels wrong. Liam was still pure to him, and he was so not. He also hoped that Michael knew what he was doing, well at least now he will know if he was.

**Author's Note:**

> guys thank you for reading!  
> I'm not sure where to go from then if anyone has any ideas comment and let me know what u think...If you feel like this should continue n.n


End file.
